


I'm Just Suggesting You And I Might Not Be The Worst Thing

by starspngledman



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-13
Updated: 2014-01-13
Packaged: 2018-01-08 13:23:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1133153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starspngledman/pseuds/starspngledman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin Emrys is an English tutor, openly gay, and works in the library at Avalon University. Arthur Pendragon is doing absolutely dreadful in world literature, a forward for the university football team, and wouldn’t be caught dead in a place with so many books. He's also the biggest prat Merlin has ever met, beautiful blue eyes aside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Just Suggesting You And I Might Not Be The Worst Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Modern-day, university alternate universe. Adorable astronomy major Arthur (officially) meets maybe-a-little-bit-crazy English literature major Merlin, both in their first year at university. They’re each a bit wary of each other at the start but soon grow to enjoy the other’s company. Arthur’s father isn’t some hoity-toity rich guy in this. I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this work of absolute fiction. Also, the entire first paragraph belongs to Stephanie Meyer, I just substituted a few words. I got a couple of the study questions Arthur and Merlin use for world lit from shmoop.com and also my own world lit class. Rated PG-13 for language. I think this is the longest thing I’ve ever written in my entire life. And this is the English football, dears. I tried to make it as sexual-tension-y as possible. You’re welcome. I’d also appreciate if you could just read every word Arthur says with all the sarcasm you can muster.  
> also ??? if you haven’t read/watched harry potter and the deathly hallows don’t read the part about harry potter?? because spoilers??? also don’t yell at me if you do end up reading it as I warned you about it and you probably didn’t read this did you you dummy

_About three things I was absolutely positive: First, Arthur Pendragon was a prat. Second, there was a part of him–and I didn’t know how dominant that part might be–that longed to piss me off. And third-_

“Is that _Twilight_ you’re reading?”

The sound of Gwen’s voice startles Merlin, causing him to slam the book closed before sitting up in his chair and turning to face her. “No. Yes. What’s it matter to you?”

Guinevere coughs to stifle a laugh, putting her hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “I thought everyone was out of their _Twilight_ phase by at least the ninth grade.”

“Shut up, Gwen,” Merlin mutters. “Now, what exactly is it you need? If you don’t mind, I’d like to know and be left alone, because, obviously, I was in the middle of something.”

“Professor Gaius has someone who needs help in world lit. You’re the brightest tutor we’ve got, and this one needs all the help he can get.”

“Who is it?”

Gwen takes a seat on the couch across from the chair Merlin’s in. “Arthur Pendragon.”

“Oh no, Gwen. No. Absolutely not.”

“Come now, Merlin. Just give it a chance, yeah?”

“No, Gwen! Find someone else. You know he’s always been an absolute arse to me. No, I refuse.”

“Merlin, you’re the only god damn person in this entire school who actually knows how to understand the books Gaius assigns for the class. It’s just for one hour a day, whenever it’s most convenient for the both of you. If I sent Elyan as peacemaker, to make sure Pendragon doesn’t beat you up upon discovering you’re to tutor him until he gets his grades up, would that make you feel better?”

Merlin grunts. “I’m quite offended by your complete lack of faith in whether I _can_ handle Pendragon, Guinevere. It’s not that at all. It’s just I don’t _want_ to.”

“You know, Merlin, in the amount of time you’ve stood here arguing with me about whether or not you’re going to be Arthur’s tutor, you could have already tracked him down and properly introduced yourself.”

“Your sole purpose in life is to ruin mine, isn’t it?”

A wide grin spreads across Gwen’s face, wiping away any sign of the frustration she’d had with the man sitting across from her. “You know it, love.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“You’ll be at Leon’s party tonight, won’t you, Arthur?”

Arthur rolls his eyes at the question, completely unconcerned with whether or not he’d be going to Leon’s that night. He was barely conscious enough to think about the letter he’d found in his mailbox before he’d come down to meet his mates and get breakfast this morning, let alone a party. “Probably not, Percy; I’ve more important things to think about.”

“God, what’s got your knickers in a twist, Pendragon?” Gwaine asks, snickering. Arthur responds by scowling at his friend.

“Gaius says I’m to be assigned a tutor, that if I don’t get my grade in world literature up by the end of the year, I could lose my football scholarship.”

Elyan whistles, rapping his fingers on the table. “That’s rough, man. Who’s been assigned as your tutor, do you know yet?”

“That’s the worst part of it all: it’s Merlin Emrys. I have to meet him at 2:15 this afternoon, in the library of all places.”

 

The entire table groans apart from Lancelot, who clears his throat, uncrosses his legs and sits forward. “Hey, man, Emrys isn’t that bad. He’s really smart. Works in the library, shelves books. He’s good friends with Gwen, too.”

“You do know he’s gay, don’t you, Lance?” Gwaine says, arching an eyebrow in Lancelot’s direction.

“That doesn’t mean he’s not a nice guy. Give him a chance, Arthur; he might be the only one you’ve got.”

 

* * *

 

That afternoon, Merlin marches to the library a whole ten minutes before his student is meant to arrive, fully intent on not letting Arthur Pendragon get under his skin. Merlin knows he has to at least try to be nice to Arthur if they’re to get through this. Unfortunately for him, Arthur is already there, and in one of the worst moods of his entire life.

“Where’ve you been, Emrys? I’ve been waiting for five minutes already.”

“Well maybe next time you shouldn’t be here fifteen minutes before I’ve asked you to be,” Merlin snaps back at the blond.

Arthur narrows his eyes. “If you think you want to be here any less than I do, you’re sorely mistaken. You really think I’d rather be in a library working to understand _The Epic of Gilgamesh_ and Homer’s _The Iliad_ with _you_ instead of out on the field, playing footie with my mates?”

“Oh, believe me, Pendragon, helping you is the last on my long list of priorities, but if you don’t find a better attitude about this arrangement, you won’t be playing footie with your mates next semester, will you?”

It seems this is the last straw for Arthur, who clenches his jaw and readies himself for a proper shouting match with the man standing in front of him.

Both of them barely realize they’re standing practically chest-to-chest until the librarian shushes them from behind her desk and they’re snapped back to reality. Merlin is the first to step away, shooting one more glare at Arthur before finally pulling his bag from his back and setting it on the table Arthur had chosen. One by the windows, overlooking the sports facility where Merlin did not doubt Arthur’s mates were playing football, without him, at this very moment. Arthur follows Merlin’s lead, plopping back down in his chair, pulling himself toward the table.

“We need to be civil if we’re to get this done, Pendragon.”

Arthur grunts in response, rolling his eyes before huffing a sigh of defeat. “Whatever.”

“Where shall we start?” Merlin is trying his hardest to be as nice to Arthur as possible, despite him being the biggest clotpole Merlin’s ever met.

Arthur groans, shoving his head into his hands. “Wherever Gaius says I need help most, I suppose. I really don’t understand any of it; that’s the big problem.”

“Which book would you rather be done with?”

“Gilgamesh, definitely.”

Merlin pulled the study questions Professor Gaius had given the class at the beginning of the year from his bag, flipping to the pages designated for _The Epic of Gilgamesh_.

“The first question is, ‘The epic constantly shifts between core plot events and repetitive stories. What is the effect of this method of storytelling?”

Arthur furrows his eyebrows. “Throw me a bone here, Emrys. This shit makes no sense to me whatsoever.”

Merlin sighs, rubbing his forehead before pushing the study guide in front of Arthur. “Break it down, Pendragon. Tell me what you think the question means before you try to come up with an answer. And please, don’t hurt yourself; I don’t need Coach Kilgharrah up my arse because you were injured on my watch.”

Arthur rolls his eyes for what is probably the sixteenth time since they started less than fifteen minutes ago. “It’s asking about the method the storyteller used.”

Merlin flails his hand about, signaling for Arthur to go on. “And…”

“I guess it’s also asking the significance of wondering about the method?”

“You’re getting warmer.”

“Emrys, this is stupid.”

“Stupid is as stupid does, Pendragon.”

“That doesn’t make any sense!”

“Shut up and get back to work,” Merlin shouts as quietly as he can, turning to look out the window in the hopes of hiding his wide grin.

“Can I answer the question yet?”

“Oh, feel free.”

“I think the reason the story is so repetitive is it’s trying to get its point across.”

“Wrong.”

“What?” Arthur shouts, earning another scolding from the librarian.

“You heard me, that’s not why the epic is so repetitive.”

Arthur clenches his teeth. “Then, pray tell, Emrys. Why is it so repetitive?”

Merlin smirks. “ _The Epic of Gilgamesh_ comes from ancient Mesopotamia, correct?”

“I don’t see where you’re going with this.”

“Since they couldn’t just whip out their smart phones or tablets and google the story whenever they felt like it, the tale had to be told word for word by someone who knew it very well, so that the people listening to the telling could learn it. The best way to learn something when you don’t have the internet or a book at your fingertips? To repeat it until you’ve got it down pat.”

Arthur rolls his eyes once more, but this time Merlin can tell he doesn’t quite mean it. “You’re too smart for your own good, you know that, Emrys?”

He’s pretty sure it’s the first compliment to have ever left the prat’s mouth.

 

 

* * *

 

It’s not until two weeks after they started their lessons and have begun to melt the ice wall that once stood strong and cold between them that Merlin finally thinks he can ask Arthur what his major is.

“Astronomy,” the blond man replies coolly, like astronomy is an easy, everyday thing; like every person you pass on the street is probably an astronomy major.

“Oh, wow. Astronomy? I never would have pegged you for a physics kind of guy.”

“What, you think just because I don’t understand a book some guy wrote thousands of years ago I can’t do physics?”

This causes the tips of Merlin’s ears to go red, in a way that, strangely enough, Arthur finds to be quite endearing, though he would never admit it. Merlin stammers, “No, I just meant that-”

“Relax, Emrys, I’m only joking.” After a long pause, Arthur says, “‘I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.’ Vincent van Gogh.”

“Excuse me?”

“That’s why I like astronomy so much. It’s the promise of something greater; something so much bigger than me. I can learn about practically every corner of the universe, every star, every planet, their dimensions, the gases that make them up, and I understand it completely. Math is solid, constant, in a world that is consistently changing. I understand it more than I understand a book. I understand space more than I understand myself, even.”

Both of them are silent for quite some time before Merlin speaks up. “You have quite a way with words for a man who claims he hates to read.”

Arthur doesn’t acknowledge Merlin’s attempt at conversation, so he tries again. “Do you think we could skip tutoring for today?”

Arthur looks up from the study questions he’s working on. “What?”

“You. Me. Skip tutoring. Go get coffee or something. Yeah?”

“Um, Emrys, I don’t know what you think this is, but-”

“No, yeah,” Merlin says, stumbling over his words quite hard. “I just thought that maybe it’d, you know, be nice to get to know one another? No. You’re right. We’re not friends. It was stupid. Back to _The Iliad_.”

Arthur purses his lips, setting the book he’d been scanning down, making sure to mark his page. “You’re quite curious, you know that, Emrys? One day you’re shouting at me like you wish I’d just disappear completely, a week later you want to buy me coffee. How does that work?”

“Hey, now, I never said anything about buying your coffee. Also, my name is Merlin. Please call me Merlin from now on.”

 

“Whatever you say, Emrys. _Also_ , yes, you are paying for my coffee.”

 

* * *

 

 

A couple of days later, they’re on the topic of educational choices again.

“You asked me about my major, so now it’s only customary that I ask you about yours.”

Merlin smiles. “I thought you already knew? That’s why Professor Gaius assigned me to be your tutor for world lit. I’m an English literature major.”

“Holy shit, Emrys. I mean, I knew you were nerdy, but-”

“Shut the fuck up, Pendragon,” Merlin says, scowling at him.

“Oh, my god, joking again. You really don’t have a sense of humor, do you?”

“You don’t, either; that wasn’t very funny at all.”

Arthur rolls his eyes. “So this is the part where you explain to me why you chose English literature for your major.”

“Oh, right, my bad. I didn’t realize we were following some sort of outline for conversation.” Arthur glares at him and Merlin grins wolfishly. “Alright, then. I started to read before I could walk, really. Mum says that when I was little, I’d stay up in my room for days, stuck inside a book. She’d have to bring me my meals because I literally refused to do anything until I’d finished what I was reading. I knew that I wanted to read for the rest of my life, no matter what I had to do to make sure I could. Literature is my safe zone, my place to go when I don’t think I have anywhere else to turn.”

Arthur had been watching him the entire time he spoke, listening so intently and so quietly that Merlin almost forgot he was there as he told his story. “I get it now, Merlin. You’re the way with books the way I am with space; it helps you think, helps you understand the things you think you can’t. What field do you think you’re going to go into?”

Merlin shrugs. “Haven’t quite figured that out yet. I was thinking maybe publishing, but I’m not very good with people. Or I could try to get my PhD and become a professor, but, again, the people thing. What’re you gonna do with your astronomy degree, do you think?”

“Hey, now, we were talking about you.” Arthur narrows his gaze, shooting a look in Merlin’s direction before sighing and complying with him. Merlin was really starting to get to him, in a way that wasn’t entirely unpleasant. “I think I’d definitely like to be a professor. I really like the idea of being able to educate people in a field I adore so much.”

Merlin smiles. “That’s brilliant, Arthur.”

Arthur blushes and ducks his head. “You know, I’ve really never talked about this all that much. People rarely ask me, and when they do, I can tell they aren’t interested. Why are you so interested, Merlin?”

“You’re my friend, aren’t you? I mean, at least I think we’re friends. This is a friendship, right? That’s what friends do. They’re concerned for one another and ask how they’re doing and show interest in the things that make them happy. I like hearing about the things that make you happy, Arthur. You positively glow when you talk about the stars, did you know that?”

Rolling his eyes, Arthur scoffs. “Okay, Merlin.”

“No, I’m being serious! You seem so thrilled to be able to explain the thing you love to other people in the hope that they’ll realize why you love it so much and maybe they’ll start to love it as well. You’re absolutely brilliant.”

Arthur purses his lips, “Well, thank you, then. I suppose. Merlin, have I ever told you how much you frustrate me?”

“On multiple occasions, yes,” Merlin says, smiling more broadly than he ever has in his entire life.

 

* * *

 

 

 

“So what you’re telling me is you’ve never read _Harry Potter_? Ever? Dear God, Arthur. You’re so uncultured. Harry’s a legend.”

“I may not have ever read _Harry Potter_ , but have you ever even been to a real football match, like, ever?” When Merlin shakes his head a sheepish no, Arthur says, “God, are you even British?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact. Would you like to see my birth certificate? Or perhaps the very tape containing visual evidence that I was, in fact, born in England?”

“Oh, my god, Merlin. What the fuck. _What_ the fuck.”

Merlin laughs, loud and uninhibited, and Arthur has to appreciate how absolutely _light_ the man looks in that moment, holding onto his cup of tea and chuckling slightly. He catches himself smiling softly before Merlin can.

“Well, if you must insist on never reading a book for pleasure, not even the infamous _Harry Potter_ , I need to get you ‘round mine some time to watch the films. Absolutely incredible. Magical, even,” Merlin grins, pleased with the pun.

“I should smack you for that one.”

“I’m serious, though. I don’t know, just a suggestion.” Merlin’s eyes shine so brightly, so full of hope, that Arthur can’t deny Merlin the pleasure of showing these films to him. “Give me your number and I’ll text you the address to my apartment. I think you’ll really enjoy them.”

“Alright, Merlin, I suppose I’ll have to stop by one night and see what all the fuss is about.” Arthur can hardly suppress his grin, thankful that Merlin’s attention isn’t trained on him at the moment.

“God bless you, Arthur. I can’t wait to watch you cry like a little bitch when Dobby dies.”

Arthur grimaces. “What the hell is a Dobby and why am I going to cry when it dies?”

“God, we’ve got a lot of catching up to do, don’t we?” Merlin smirks, lifting the teacup to his mouth for the last time, finishing the drink off.

“It would appear so,” Arthur whispers, lowering his gaze to his hands resting on the table. He can’t quite figure out what it is about Merlin Emrys that has him so immensely fascinated. He is suddenly acutely aware of how small the coffee shop is, and how close together they are, in their tiny chairs at this tiny table. He looks up at Merlin to tell him that they should go but, when his eyes meet those of the man across from him, he finds he can’t.

Merlin can’t bring himself to tear his gaze from Arthur’s, either. The look on Arthur’s face is one so soft that, if he didn’t know Arthur had absolutely no feelings for him whatsoever, he could have sworn that Arthur might kiss him.

“I should get going,” Arthur murmurs, his eyes darting from Merlin’s eyes to his lips and back. Merlin, taken aback, clears his throat and looks toward the door.

“Yeah, that might be a good idea,” Merlin says, rubbing at the nape of his neck. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then? Are we to meet here again, or should we go back to the library?”

“God, I can’t stand that dreadful library. It’s all heavy and dusty, and it smells of old books.”

“Hey, don’t insult my library. That place is a haven.”

Arthur smiles at Merlin, rolling his eyes. “Only teasing, _Mer_ lin. I think we should meet here from now on. I seem to focus better when I’m not in the library.”

“Focus on what, exactly? You haven’t done any work in here yet.”

“Focus on, you know…things. I’m very focused. My concentration levels are through the roof.”

“Whatever, Arthur. Fine. I’ll meet you here at 2:15,” Merlin says, getting up and grabbing his bag from the back of the chair. “Good bye, Arthur.”

Arthur’s chest tightens. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think that he’s actually afraid he’ll miss Merlin for the whole day they’ll be apart. “Yeah. Bye, Merlin.”

 

* * *

 

“What’s been up with you lately, Arthur?”

Arthur blinks at the questions on Ovid’s _Metamorphoses_ he’s been reading over whilst slowly eating his breakfast with the rest of the football team. “I’m not quite sure I understand what you mean, Gwaine.”

“You’ve been off, ever since you started meeting with Merlin every day. Everyone’s noticed it, isn’t that right, gentlemen?”

One at a time, everyone at the table turns to him and nods. Arthur sighs, looking up to face them. “You guys know how much football means to me, correct? And how much I need this scholarship? If you were my friends at all, you’d get that I need to meet with Merlin and not be harassed about it. Do you think you all can do that for me?”

Leon grunts. “We all still think it’s very odd you’ve suddenly become so buddy-buddy with him. I thought you hated the guy?”

“I’ve never…hated him. He used to annoy me quite a bit, yeah, but he’s actually not the worst person in the world once you get to know him; actually quite pleasant to be around, easy to hold a conversation with.”

“You’d better be careful, Arthur Pendragon, or someone might think you’re a bit soft for Merlin Emrys,” Gwaine says, chuckling.

The apples of Arthur’s cheeks turn pink. “Now, I never said that.”

“No, it’s quite alright, Arthur. Everybody has their crushes, you know. You guys have been getting coffee every day for, what, the past month?”

“You all are dicks, you know that? We can’t go out for coffee to study instead of being cooped up in that fucking library for what reason exactly?” Arthur squares his shoulders and grabs his things, shoving them in his bag. He stands, his jaw set, eyes full of hurt. “Do you know how ridiculous you sound? Accusing us of, what, of being friends? Yes, mates, I’m friends with Merlin Emrys now. Forgive me for wanting to be friends with the man who’s single-handedly saving my football scholarship.”

It only takes Arthur a few minutes after he’s slammed his way out of the mess hall to reach the locker room and change into his practice uniform.

He’s in front of the net, pretending the balls he’s kicking into goal are all his teammates’ heads when he hears someone approach him.

“Hey, I was just on my way to get something to eat and I saw you out here, looking all angry and such. Are you alright?”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay, Merlin?”

“I don’t know, you just seemed off. Figured I’d try and be nice. Sorry for caring.”

Merlin’s turning to leave when Arthur catches him by the shoulder. “Hey, Emrys?”

“Arthur?”

Arthur clears his throat. “I think it’d be best if we…if we kept our relationship strictly professional.”

Merlin cocks an eyebrow. “Professional?”

“You know…So no one gets any ideas.”

“Oh my God, ideas? What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I was talking to my teammates, and, well, at first I thought they were just being dicks about it but then I realized that they were kind of right.”

“Right about what? For fuck’s sake, Arthur, will you just tell me what the hell this is all about?” Merlin’s heart is beating so fast he’s afraid it’ll fly right out of his chest.

“Merlin, I’ve really appreciated your help the past couple of months, really, I have, and I’d like it if you would continue to help me, because I think I’m really getting it. The thing is, the guys have been talking to me and they’ve been saying that it looks a bit like we’re, well, you know, a bit more than friends, if you catch my drift?”

“What? Do your football friends think we’re fucking or something?”

“Merlin! Could you keep your voice down, please?”

“No, I will not keep my voice down, because apparently I’m fucking Arthur Pendragon and I think everyone should hear about it.” By this point, Merlin’s voice has risen to just below a shout. “Hey, everyone! Have you heard the great news yet? I’m fucking Arthur Pendragon!”

Arthur groans, pinching the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and thumb. “Okay, so maybe that was the wrong thing to say.”

“You fucking think?”

“I was just trying to say that they think we’ve been spending a little too much time together, you know, outside of tutoring and that maybe we should tone it down a bit.”

“And why the fuck are you suddenly so interested in what your mates think of our friendship?”

“You know why, Merlin.”

“No, Arthur, I don’t!”

“Because I’m not fucking gay, Merlin, and I don’t want everyone thinking I am!”

 

Merlin immediately snaps his mouth shut, and promptly slaps Arthur Pendragon across the face. “You are a pompous, arrogant prat, and the last thing I could ever be is in love with you.”

 

* * *

 

 

Merlin and Arthur don’t talk at all after the incident on the football field. Every day at two o’clock in the afternoon, Merlin drops notes on the reading Professor Gaius assigns off for Arthur with that dreadful librarian that kept shushing them all the time, Merlin remembers with a slight smile. He can’t help but understand why Arthur was uncomfortable being seen with Merlin so often and under such informal circumstances, no matter how angry he is.

One day, though, Merlin is on duty when Arthur normally comes to the library to pick up his notes, and Merlin has the unfortunate task of working the front desk and, ultimately, giving Arthur the notes himself.

Merlin is sat on the ground behind the desk when he hears someone clear their throat. “Um, hello? I’m here to pick up….Oh, Merlin.”

Merlin looks up and grimaces at the now-fading bruise on Arthur’s right cheek. “I, uh. I’m working the desk today.”

Arthur raises his eyebrows. “Obviously.”

So he’s still an arrogant prat.

“I have your notes,” Merlin murmurs, handing the stack of papers over to him.

Arthur rocks from one foot to the other, clearly still uncomfortable around him. “Why are you still doing this for me, Merlin? I don’t understand. You don’t have to.”

“I’m still your tutor, Arthur. And as much as it pains me to admit, I’d rather not see you lose your scholarship, not after how hard we’ve worked.”

Arthur frowns, looking at his shoes and crossing his arms. “I…Merlin, I want to apologize for…you know. For what I said. I just,” Arthur sighs, rubbing his forehead, “I don’t know how to…feel, you know?”

Arthur pauses, meeting Merlin’s eyes again. Neither of them says anything for a minute or so, just staring at the other.

“If you’re waiting for me to apologize for slapping you on the face, it’s not happening.”

Arthur opens his mouth so wide it reminds Merlin of a fish. “That bloody hurt! I’ll admit I deserved it but Christ, Merlin, you left a fucking bruise.”

Merlin smiles, scrunching his nose. “Eh, it’s not as bad as you make it seem.”

“Yes it is!”

“Alright, yeah, it’s pretty bad.”

They both laugh before Arthur stops, nods, and clears his throat. “Okay, well, that’s all I came for. I’ll see you in class, Merlin.”

Merlin stands, and rather quickly, Arthur thinks, for someone with such long legs. “Yeah, see you around, Arthur.”

He’s glad they’re not completely avoiding each other the way they were before, but Merlin just wishes things could be how they were when Merlin was just the tutor and Arthur just the student. He’s still pissed at Arthur for tearing his heart in two, but he just wishes they could be friends again. He misses Arthur, a lot more than he had expected to, unfortunately.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Have you heard who Arthur’s taking to the end-of-year football banquet?” Gwen shoves Merlin’s things off the cushion next to the one he’s sat on and plops herself down.

“Hello to you, too, Guinevere,” Merlin mutters, rubbing a bit of sleep from his eyes and turning the page of the book he was reading. “And no, I haven’t, and I don’t see why I should care, either. Arthur’s welcome to snog any girl he’d like. In fact, he could snog every girl in the school and I still wouldn’t care who he’s taking to the football banquet. Though snogging the entire school might cause a bit of a stir.”

“Merlin…”

“What, Gwen? I’m fine. I told you. I’m fine with Arthur taking Vivian to his football banquet. He’s straight, and he likes her. I’m fine.”

“You’re obviously _not_ fine, Merlin. You haven’t slept in how long?”

“About two days, but that’s beside the point.”

“Merlin, I know how you feel about Arthur. I know how much you like him, and I know how awful you must feel about losing the friendship you had with him, but Merlin, you’ve got to give yourself a break,” Gwen sighs, facing Merlin on the couch, pulling her legs up and tucking her knees under her chin. “You haven’t talked to Arthur in over a month. I know he hurt your feelings but sooner or later you’re going to have to-”

“I’m going to have to what, Gwen?” Merlin half-shouts, finally putting his book down to face the woman next to him. “Talk to the man who broke my heart?”

Gwen gives Merlin a sympathetic look, opening her mouth to speak, but Merlin cuts her off. “Yes, Gwen, I love him. He broke my heart, the bastard, and I don’t want to talk about it, okay? I knew I shouldn’t have thought that anything other than friendship would come from whatever it was Arthur and I had, but I couldn’t help it. You’re my best mate, and I want you to know that I appreciate you trying to help me feel better, but it’s just going to take time.”

Gwen reaches over to rub Merlin’s shoulder, nodding. “I understand, Merlin. I won’t talk to you about it anymore. But you should-”

“Guinevere!”

“Sorry,” Gwen mumbles, holding her hands up in defense. “I just think-”

“Gwen, I’m not in the mood for a lecture. I don’t want anything to do with Arthur Pendragon anymore, not ever.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“This footie team may not have won very many games, but the men playing for this university have some of the biggest hearts I’ve ever seen,” Coach Kilgharrah finishes, nodding to the applause he receives.

Arthur claps, same as everyone else, but he’s distracted. He’s been distracted for the past month and a half, unable to do much of anything since the encounter with Merlin on the football field.

“Hey, you alright?”

Arthur turns to Vivian, standing next to him, looking more beautiful than he’d ever seen her before. Problem was, he honestly couldn’t be bothered to even care that she was there. Merlin had truly fucked everything up.

Arthur’s lips become a thin line, the type of thing that happens whenever he’s stressed but doesn’t want to speak about it. Of course, Vivian wouldn’t know anything about that. “Yeah, Viv, I’m fine. Thank you for asking.”

Vivian smiles, grabbing his forearm and squeezing. “If you’re upset about not making the finals, Arthur, don’t. You guys are great and the thing about failure is that it takes things, but also leaves room for improvement.”

“Vivian, I really appreciate the pep talk, but that’s not it. I’d really rather not talk about it; I promise I’m fine.”

She just sighs and nods, patting his hand. “Whatever you say, Arthur. Something’s up with you, though.”

Arthur presses his eyes closed, counting down from ten, something his father had taught him to do in situations that he found taxing. When he gets to three, his phone buzzes, and he groans, thinking he’d shut the damn thing off. Pulling it from his pocket, he glances at the screen and all the air in his lungs comes out in a short burst, as if he’s been punched in the gut.

“’I’ve loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.’ Galileo Galilei.” God dammit, Merlin.

Arthur’s eyes begin to well up with tears, which he immediately – and very angrily – wipes away. How dare him. How fucking dare Merlin still do this to him, still make him feel things he never wanted to feel in the first place. He pushes his chair away, marching to where Lancelot and Gwen are sitting, and clears his throat at them.

“Hi, Arthur. What is it?” Lance has concern written all over his face.

Gwen turns to look at Arthur and her entire demeanor shifts, making Arthur think that she might stand up and punch him. “Guinevere. Please, you’ve got to tell me where I can find Merlin.”

Gwen grits her teeth, whispering, “What makes you think he wants to see you, Pendragon?”

“It’s important. I wouldn’t impose myself like this if it wasn’t. Please, Gwen. I need to see him.”

“You hurt him, Arthur. You really hurt him, and he just wants to be left alone, okay? Why can’t you understand that?”

“I just really need to speak with him. I know what I did, but I want to try and make it right,” Arthur pleads, and Gwen’s eyes soften.

“He’s in the library. I’m begging you, Arthur, don’t make the wounds you caused any deeper. I don’t think he could handle that.”

“Thank you, Gwen, sincerely,” Arthur says, smiling at her. “I won’t, I promise.”

Arthur nods at the two of them and turns, walking so fast toward the exit that he’s almost running, wanting to get to Merlin as soon as possible.

When he reaches the library, it’s so late that all the lights are out, all but one; a lamp on the desk in the back corner, where a familiar figure sits hunched over a textbook.

Arthur clears his throat, causing Merlin to jump in his seat and bang both his knees on the wood. “Oh, fuck,” he breathes, turning to face the source of the noise.

“Arthur.”

Arthur looks around, unsure of whether he’ll actually be able to get out what he was going to say anymore.

“I guess you got my text, then.”

“I thought you said you weren’t in love with me, Emrys,” Arthur says quickly, jaw clenched tight.

“I wasn’t. I’m not,” Merlin stutters, trying and failing to keep his gaze from Arthur’s.

“Then what the fuck is up with all of this, huh? You can’t keep doing this to me, Merlin. You can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what exactly, Arthur? You think you’re the only one who’s been strung along only to be left in the dust?”

Arthur opens his mouth to protest, but closes it before he gets the chance to say something that he’ll regret. “Merlin. You don’t understand how hard it is-”

“ _I_ don’t understand how hard it is, Arthur? Do you know how difficult it was for me after I came out in secondary? My life was literally hell. Absolute hell, Pendragon. Now tell me again how I don’t understand how hard it is.”

“I didn’t mean it like that! Fuck, my mates, they’d never talk to me again if they knew the way I feel about you. I didn’t know what the hell was going on, what was happening to me. All my life, up until I met you, I’d only ever felt that way about girls. I didn’t think there was any possibility of me ever liking a guy. I was confused, with no one to turn to. God dammit, Merlin, I’m fucking in love with you. You opened me up; you understand the things about me that no one ever has. You make me feel alive, however awfully romantic and cheesy that might sound. I’m a fucking prick for saying those things to you, and I feel terrible for doing so. I don’t expect you to forgive me because I know I wouldn’t forgive someone who spoke to me in that manner, but if you’d just give me a chance, please. One more chance, Merlin, that’s all I ask.”

Merlin works his jaw in a way that looks hostile, but Arthur softens when he notices the tears on his friend’s cheeks. “You broke my god damn heart, Arthur Pendragon.”

Arthur flinches at the way Merlin’s voice waivers.

“I know,” Arthur murmurs, “and I’m sorry. Merlin…I want to try. I want to try to be with you. I want to be with the only person that accepts me for me, truly, the person that I love more than anything else in this world. More than footie; more than astronomy, even.”

Merlin sniffles, breathing out a short, soft laugh. “We both know you don’t mean that last part.”

“Well, yeah, I guess. But I think if you gave me a while, it could come to that. I love you, Merlin, and I don’t ever want to stop.” Without a moment’s hesitation, Arthur grabs Merlin by the sides of his face and presses their mouths together. Merlin groans, holding his arms up by their heads before relaxing into Arthur and wrapping his arms around Arthur’s neck. Arthur sighs against Merlin’s lips, pulling away and pressing his forehead against Merlin’s shoulder.

“I love you, too, Arthur. And if you ever do stop, I think I’ll have to bruise you again.”

Arthur chuckles. “You know, maybe everyone was wrong. Maybe you and I might not be the worst thing.”

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! if you made it this far i sincerely love you to bits and want to thank you for reading!!! this is the first merlin fic i've ever written/posted anywhere and would love if you'd let me know how you liked it!!!


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